Laughing through cancer

     This past year has been so many things to me.  It is hard to pull the thoughts out of my head and think of the right words to express my feelings on this Journey of Cancer. I have written throughout this journey and want to share with you, my experiences. Its a road well traveled by many.
I can't express my love for those who helped me along the way, this list is long, but they know who they are.  I love you all.

     Clinical report:

 Female:  53 years old, has colonoscopy, a tumor was found close to rectum, metastasized to lungs,  3 Lesions in lungs, 2 in liver.

   Oh this is bull. I guess 2011 is a bust. Might as well give up any plans for a while.

 But actually,     

     This journey started 3 years ago.  I had gone for my gynecologist visit, when she told me it was time for a colonoscopy. I had just turned 50 and this is something that should be done at this age.

     I laughed at her and said, “ya, ok.”  I put it off for 3 years, it wasn’t until I found blood in my stools I made the appointment.

      The Colonoscopy wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I arrived 15 minutes early, they took me in, did some blood work, and I was on my way.

   In the room were other people and we all had on the same wardrobe (It looks like we all shopped at the same store that day.)

    The Doctors and Nurses were running around doing what they do, and moments later, I was wheeled into the room where the procedure would take place.

      I joked and laughed with the Nurse and we talked about me having horses, which the Nurse had horses also.

     So here we go, she comes over to put something in my mouth.  I asked, “ What is this for?” she looked down at me, and laughed, and said, “Think of it as a horse’s bit.” That was the last thing I remember.

     When I woke up, I felt great. It was the best sleep I had had in a long time and thought “well, that was easy!”

     The next day I got a call from my Doctor, a Gastroenterologist, She said, “ You have a Tumor ”.

 My life changed completely that day, but I refuse to give in to something that can be fixed.”

I was dehydrate . (Living in Florida in the heat can Dehydrate you anyways) and I didn’t drink enough water, but I started drinking as much as I could.     You need to understand that if you weigh yourself and cut your weight in half, that number is the amount of fluids in ounces you need to drink in a day, I was about one quarter of what I should have been drinking.

     That night I had a very sharp pain in the back of my calf. The following day, my Husband, being a Medic and my neighbor wanted to give me fluids (IV) but my neighbor’s mom (who is a nurse), said, “no!  Send her to the hospital!” I hate ER’s, but I went anyway.

      Even with the explanation that I had sharp pain in my leg, the doctor did nothing but the IV for fluids and sent me home. I showed her the Edema in my foot but she didn’t bother to follow up on that.

That night I had sharp pains in my lung, I screamed so loud my Husband jumped out of bed, coming to my side and saying,” you need to go to the hospital,” I said “no the pain is a little better” and went back to sleep.

   The following day, my sister in law who is a RN, flew in from Cape Cod. She insisted I call my primary doctor, which I did. I’m so lucky I did.

 She saved my life.

     That day was one of the hardest, funniest and busiest days of my life. I went into his office. He wanted me to go to his other office, where there was more medical equipment then at the office I was at. There I had filled him in on everything that was going on. With my sister by my side we filled him in on the whole story of what happened. He said,” Are you kidding me, you need a CT scan now”. I told him about the pain in my lung, he threw his pen against the wall, and said,” what the f#*k” !  We laughed so hard at that.

    We left and went to where I could have tests run.  As soon as we walked out the door the rain began coming down, and when I say,” it was raining,” the rain drops were the size of quarters and they hurt when they hit you. This was one of those moments when you say, “REALLY?” “Can anything else go wrong?”

Getting in my Jeep the thing was rocking. The wind was so strong it was scary but… Laughter is the best medicine, and we laughed so hard I thought I would pee in my pants.

     None of this had been the normal cut and dry, “you have Cancer”. It had been different all along the way.  I’ve learned a lot and take it one day at a time. You have to just adjust to every thing that happens in life and take it for what it is. Laughing it off helps, trust me.

            An Ultra-sound was done on my leg and the results sent to the doctor. When he read it he set me up to go for a CT scan that day.

Once finished with the CT scan we returned home and waited for the results. Shortly thereafter the doctor called to tell me they found a blood clot in my leg and one in my lung. The CT scan also revealed I had a Tumor in the Colorectal area that had spread to my Liver and Lungs.

At that point I could not understand what he was telling me. My mind was lost and I handed the phone to my sister.

       After she got off the phone, I looked at her Face, it was sad, hurt and confused.

I asked the question no one should ever have to ask. “Am I going to die?” she looked at me and said,” I don’t really know!” “But you have to go to the hospital right now.” My Husband was not home so I had to call him and fill him in and that was tough.  Telling my Children was also difficult.

Everyone thinks of the word “CANCER” as a death sentence, IT IS NOT!!

However it redefines your priorities, things you thought were important, just don’t seem to matter as much anymore. Things you took for granted, take on an air of importance you would not have expected.

 I was in the hospital for 10 days. They put a Vena Cava Filter in as a blood clot protector, which I will have forever.I also have something called factor 5 which has to do with my blood being thick. The doctor started me on a drug for blood clots, called Lovenox. I would have two injections a day at 70 MG each; they also put in a port in my upper chest over my left breast for IV access. This too was funny because the Doctor was an Ass, but I hear he is good at what he does. So there I was in the OR and they came to wheel me into have this port put in, I remembered the ride and turning a corner, as we made it around the corner, I asked the Nurse” I hope I’m not going to be awake for this.”

She said, “ honey, your done” wow, really?   Great drugs!

I began looking around; the recovery room was so quiet. No one Smiled, Laughed or Talked. Then I saw why. The Doctor was there and everyone seemed to be afraid of him. As someone came to deliver me to my room I spoke very loud, and said” You all have a great day, and tell the Doctor to freakin’ smile once in a while”. As we got out the door, the orderly pushing me laughed so hard and said, “ I can’t believe you said that” we laughed all the way to my room.

In the hospital people would stop by and see me, but I was always tired (seems I’ve been tired for months now).  Actually I wasn’t so much tired as drugged. I was on Morphine for most of my stay there.  I do remember crying when my Husband came in because I wanted to move on with my cancer treatment and finish with these blood clots. It was as if I could feel the Cancer spreading and I wanted it gone. While I was there we set up an appointment with an Oncologist for the treatment. His reply was “ As soon as you get out of the Hospital, call and we will see you”. They set me up with an appointment for a Monday. The Hospital kept me past my appointment date due to a minor setback.

     After leaving the Hospital I called the Oncology Office to make an appointment, the Receptionist said, ”Well, He is busy and we just can’t fit you in.”

Was that a slap in the face, or what? I cried thinking they could not have cared less that I had Cancer.

     I called my Primary Doctor and he was just pissed off, hung up and called the Oncology office.

      I know he gave someone hell because they called me back within minutes and set me up with an appointment the following day.  I was told he explained to them ,“ She missed her appointment because she was in the hospital, It’s not like she was sunning at the beach”.

   The Doctor I saw in the hospital came to an office he normally does not work at.

He introduced himself and said.” I am here for you and you only, this is my day off so take your time, ask all the questions you want, you are my only patient today.” My Husband and I were very impressed with him.”

     I’m not seeing him now because his office was further away than the Doctor’s there but he is on the team of doctors I see.

I have another Doctor whom I adore and I’m very impressed with the team of people in this office.

     Being home had become my sanctuary I just wanted my life back and was sure that I would.

This had been the scariest thing I have ever had to go through. You have to start with a Positive attitude and Laugh a lot. (When on Chemo and for days after, if I cried, my eyes hurt so badly it seems the chemo stings coming out of your body.) The side effects were not a fun thing to go through. Let me be honest here, there are days when you just want to give it all up. DON’T DO IT! Those that are weak usually die. You are strong and you can do this.

     My daily activities in the beginning were great.  I could do the things I normally did but just a bit slower. I hurt at the end of the day and as I climb into bed, my mind revisited my daily things I did, but I also thought through the whole Cancer process.       The mind is a powerful thing and sometime it just won’t stop.  It is all about the mind, you have to have positive attitude, “easier said then done at times”.

     I was angry, just plain pissed off. “Why me,” I would think. Well on the other hand, would you wish this on someone else? I know I would not. So, deal with it, cry and get all those bad emotions out. Negative thoughts are just that, they are unhealthy for your healing process. 

     Think towards the years you have ahead, all the dreams you have put off then when you are done with Chemo, Surgery, Radiation, whatever it takes to get you back to your life. DO THOSE THINGS! By then you have learned to listen to that magnificent body you have and learn to do as it tells you to.  With a smile and a laugh you will survive as I am doing now.

     I feel the best thing I have done is laugh. There really are so many things going on that you have to laugh at. I have not laughed so much in my life since this evil Cancer had taken over my body.

     Here is a little bit of what made me laugh everyday. With my Chemo, I had what they call “Chemo brain”. You know what you want to say but it just doesn’t come out right, the words get mixed up in your head.

    * I was going to cook bacon and eggs, I asked my Husband if he wanted some, when I asked, I actually said “ do you want to bag it”, huh really? Did he even understand what I was trying to say?

   * We have a new puppy, who’s name is Brutus, I called him Frank, Dexter and Max. Who knows why?

   * My Husband plays Golf, I asked him if he was going Bowling, he said,” yes I am,  and I am bringing Frank with me.” We laughed.

  * I was heading to my Chemo treatment and told my daughter “I was going to Unemployment,”

  * I had fallen and when someone asked where the cuts came from, I said,” they were stretch marks.”

   * My legs ache, I said,” my bugs were hurting.”

How can you not laugh at that? 

   * “Oh my God”, came out as, “Oh my Dog!”

      Believe me when I tell you, this is not all a joke,. There are many times I just want it all to stop, I didn’t want to do Chemo anymore, and my support system kept pushing me forward.

    Trying to keep that you have Cancer as a secret does not work.  You need a good support system, even if you don’t have family and friends, Cancer. Org are wonderful people to talk to. While I was in the hospital my Husband would stop by a bar we frequented. He came in alone which everyone thought was odd because we were always together. When people asked, he would tell them that my Sister in-law was in town. In the Hospital we talked about keeping this in the family but soon realized when my hair started falling out our friends would figure it out. So prior to me leaving the hospital for my “Blood clot” my Husband told our friends that I had Cancer. He told me of all the different reactions to the news. Some were sympathetic, some were scared, some didn’t know how to react, but when asked what they could do he would just tell them, “Treat her as you would have last month that’s all she wants. If she wants to talk about it, she will, if not, ask her about the Horses, the Dogs or the Family, anything” and that’s exactly what they did!.

         When your hair falls out and you look into the mirror, its scary.  My head hurt so badly when all the hair follicles died.  When it is time to shave it off, it is a hard thing to do. One day I was looking in the mirror and seeing my hair starting to come out.  I looked at my husband and started to cry, He looked at me like a dog who didn’t understand, pointed to his bald head and said “really!” All I could do was laugh.

            There came a point where I knew a wig was in order. My husband took me out and we bought two of them, each one mimicked my current hairdo. I was worried everyone would know and talk behind my back. He sensed I was apprehensive about wearing them. So right from the wig store he took me to our neighborhood bar, where everyone knows me, to see what the reaction would be. Just before we went in, my Husband grabbed one of the Wigs put it on with a hat and led me in. Everyone was laughing so much at him in a wig no one even noticed I was wearing one too. Seems I worried too much about what others would think.

Finally the day came when I knew I had to shave my head. To many thinning spots. It was time!

As my daughter was shaving my head I was crying the entire time.  I looked at my Husband and said,” I’m sorry, I’m going to be ugly.” My Daughter stopped shaving my head, looked at me and said, “Mom, you were ugly before.”  We all had a big laugh about that.  Once my hair was gone, it felt so good, my head did not hurt and I was much cooler.

(We tend to have a sick sense of humor in my family but that’s what helps us all to cope.) I am told it will come in differently when you get it back. There is a plus.

             Living in Florida in the Summer, you don’t want to wear a wig, so I said.” screw this, I’m bald and I don’t care.”  “Bald is beautiful”! The turning point came when I met a group my of friends, who meet for breakfast every Sunday, I, with my wig on, realized they all knew I was bald so why was I sitting there sweating with my “hair hat” on?”  I just took it off. The reaction was not what I expected, soon I had my friends rubbing my head (it was fuzzy) and telling me what a great head I had. I found I was getting comfortable in my own skin. Since then I had only worn a wig a few times and when I did go out with it on I had been known to take it off around my friends and make them try it on for the camera.

   There is an organization called ”look good/ feel better”. You can check it out through Cancer. Org. they will teach you how to put make up on and do your eyebrows and send you home with a free make up kit. I did enjoy this program and you will too if you go.

    Heading back for another round of Chemo at the Hospital; I had been to the hospital 5 times; twice in the emergency room for unrelated problems.

(Which I won’t go back to because they are a bunch of Morons)

and the other visits were in my Oncologist office.

   My White Blood Cell counts became very low and doing the Chemo once every two weeks was killing me. I had no track of time, I couldn’t lift my head off the bed, I cried, I just wanted to quit, but only had 3 more treatments to go.

   Again, my support system kicked me in the butt and said,” your half way there, you can do this.” You are strong and you have to fight.” This is what I did. 

     My second round came quickly. (Every two weeks)  I went at the Doctor’s office and my Medications were not there, because of my Insurance, so off to the hospital again to do my Chemotherapy.

  I’m thankful for the Oncology Department in this Hospital, they treat every Patient with Kindness and a lot of the Nurses had Cancer before or had Family members that did.

   One thing I did not like was it was always cold; you can’t have enough blankets in there.  I bought a Snuggie and it was the best investment I ever made.  When I was cold I’d wrap myself up, but the Chemo put me into Menopause so a lot of times I would put it on and take it off.

   I had an Elderly woman as my roommate and every night she was cold. I felt so bad for her so I would bring her my Snuggie every night and cover her up. She was so grateful and needed it more then I did.   When I left the Hospital, I gave my Snuggie to her. I then had another one sent to me.

   That is when I realize how important it is to “Pay it forward”.

    Here we are, going through the fight of our lives.

 Help each other.

Share your experiences about your Cancer.

Laugh at the funny parts and cry about the sad parts.

But try to “pay it forward.”  I am now getting Snuggies out to all Cancer Centers and Oncology Treatment Centers. This is how I “Pay it forward.” I was lucky enough to get this on a local radio station: (1420 AM) with Dick Fariel.

So this is my heart now, helping others that need what I have learned to give to myself.

I was then at a point in time that I know I cauld go forward. I had done 7 rounds of chemo, I thought I would be going to Brigghams and Womans Hospital for surgery , but my doctor had been so impressed with my CT scan he wanted to do 6 more rounds before Surgery.

I had 3 lesions in my lungs, 2 had disappeared and the one left, shrunk 50%, the two lesions in my liver had shrunk 50% also, the tumor that started it all, they couldn’t even see it. I am so thankful for these results!

   The surgery in the future will be for Fibroid Tumors in my Female organs, and they can have them all, I’m to old to have children and the Four we have now are our blessings from God  and our Three wonderful Grandchildren.

Life doesn’t get any better then this, even with Cancer.

 I went to start # 8 chemo but I had to make the decision of not doing it that week, I seemed to not be stable on my feet. I took a ride with my Surrogate Daughter and sat in the truck while she picked up and delivered six 1100lb. round rolls of Hay.   We stopped at a Barn and I had decided to get out and open the gates because I needed to stretch my legs. A very large dog came running at the gate and I tried to shut it, I never thought about the trailer still getting through the gate, I stepped back with gate in hand and the trailer drove over the back of my foot. No broken bones but a good cut.

Off to the Doctors the following day my he put me on an antibiotic, and I went home again. Well, one week later I had every side effect to this medication, not knowing it was a part of the Penicillin family, which I’m allergic to. That week was worse then a week of Chemo but again I survived it. So I had the extra week to feel better, get my Taste Buds back, and feel human again. We went out for a Steak dinner that night.

   I had been holding my weight very well but the following week I couldn’t eat; I think the antibiotics didn’t help.

On a good note, I have run into people and told them of my journey with Cancer. One lady in the Pharmacy had just received a note saying she needed to go for a Colonoscopy, after speaking with her. She hugged me and said she was going home to make an appointment for it. I even got my Sister in law to go for hers and my Husband also went. So my journey has been well worth the side effects if I can convince people to take care of their bodies.

   Chemotherapy, Radiation, and Surgery are not all there is to rid your body of Cancer. I had added so many other things. If you have a good relationship with your Oncologist, he or she will help you to find the right things to add to your recovery.

   I have Meditation tapes, which I listen to twice a day,

One is (Health Journeys) “a Meditation to help you with Chemotherapy “ by Bellruth Naparstek.  I did this twice a day while I was on my Chemo for 3 days. 

She also has another CD called “Fight Cancer”. I listened to this one once I was off the Chemotherapy. Don’t feel you have to be awake for this, I fell asleep throughout some of them but the words are still filling your brain with all the positive thoughts while you sleep.

    My third CD was done by, Dr. Bernie S. Siegle , MD :It is called Meditations for “Enhancing your Immune System”. I changed the Fight Cancer and Immune System CD’s every other day. I had ordered a new CD called ”The beginners Guide to Humor and Healing” this one is also by Dr Bernie S. Siegle, MD. With my sense of humor I felt this would be a good one for me.

 You can get some of these at a local Book Store or order them through

   I am Vitamin B deficient, so I take B Vitamins, a multi vitamin, CoQ10, probiotics,  and do research on the computer all the time for other supplements. One of my biggest advocates has been a couple who owns the Nutrition Corner in Delray, They helped me through so many questions, what I should take and were there for me any time I needed to talk.  These are the people you want in your corner. They have more knowledge then anyone I know and if they didn't have an answer, they would find it for me.

A friend found articles about a tree called Moringa Oleifera which is in the  “Johns Hopkins school of Medicine” articles I have read.  It helps with Cancer, so research it, every part of this Tree can be eaten.  I bought the powder and 10 seeds to plant in my yard. It is a sub- tropical tree so this isn’t something people up north can plant in their yards but it can be shipped to you in powder form of leaves, which you can add to all your foods. Another is called “Cell food”. This is also a Cancer fighter.

    It is very interesting that a lot of Oncologists will not look into these Holistic cures. I think it is a money issue, but I am blessed with mine because before I do anything he would research it and then I either did it or not. Dr Garcia has been so wonderful I couldn't ask for a better Doctor.

   All in all life is good, painful but good. I have a sign out on my porch so I can see it when I get up. It says “life doesn’t get any better then this”. It really doesn’t if you look at what you are learning about your body.

 No one ever said lessons would be easy.

   On a good note, I was able to eat Steak on good weeks or some of my favorite foods which became my goals of the month.  I felt like a dog in a meat market. My taste buds had come back because I couldn’t do my chemo for one week, which gave me a month off instead of three weeks. Being on antibiotics and Chemo at the same time isn’t good I guess, so I got that extra week. 

Even though I only ate half of everything because my stomach is the size of a quarter, I enjoyed every bite.  All I could say was “”Oh this is Heaven.” and it was. It had been so long that I couldn’t eat, taste and enjoy food.

   The cramps didn’t help afterwards but it was like a merit to do this, every cramp I had was worth it even with the medication I take for the cramps, which helped. It’s amazing how I value the little things of life now and how I look forward to anything that seems normal again.

   I ‘m going to back up in my life a few years.  I was a caretaker in the 90’s, my daughter’s godmother was diagnosed with Lung Cancer and I took care of her for a long while.  I was with her from the beginning to the end of her life.  It’s one of the most stressful jobs I had ever had. It was also the most rewarding. Should this story be on this website I ask. well, it is a part of my life experience, it has helped me to be the person I am today.  so yes, this should be heard also. I have been on both ends of Cancer.

Therese' was a wonderful Godmother to my girls, the greatest friend and roll model.

It was so hard when nothing was working and the Cancer went to her brain, she had been a Teacher and was so smart. It was difficult to watch someone you love deteriorate right in front of your eyes.  I would go to the house Monday through Friday and then her best friend whom she lived with would be there for the weekends when she was not working. We all would try to find some sort of humor and make sure she was always comfortable. This is where I decided to go to school and get my G.E.D., CNA and Medical Assistant.  I could not work for a company for one year after Therese” died,( after you lose a family member they won’t allow you to work in the field)  but began my classes so that when the year was up I had my GED AND CNA.  I was hired by a local company and built a wonderful relationship with all who worked there.  I took a few Hospice cases and loved my job.  The people I worked for were so loving, caring and needed to talk, and I was there to learn each thing they were willing to share with me, this job made me wiser, more caring and a good listener.  My Dad always told me, ”Little Girl, you will never learn anything by talking, Listening is what you learn from.”  I know this to be true to this day.

   Here is my story of my first caregiver’s job.  I wrote this when I started school.

   It started with a call from my friend, Rick.  He had been taking care of his mother Mary, who had Cancer.  Rick was Mary’s devoted Son, and the only caregiver.  The stress of caring for her was wearing him down.  He asked for my help, knowing that I had been through the same experience and could relate to everything he was about to undertake.  Realizing what was in his future, I felt all of those emotions of caring for a dying person flow through me.  It brought me back to the most apprehensive time in my life.

     I had been the primary caregiver for my daughter’s Godmother, Therese.  For two years I dedicated my life to this very special person.  Therese was a brilliant teacher, a loving Godmother, a true friend and a faithful follower of God’s will.  The Cancer started in her lungs, and then went to her Brain.  She realized it was God’s wish and accepted it.  She kept a positive attitude for all of us who loved her and were not ready to let her go.

     In one year, my life went from contentment to total turmoil.  Therese had spent years caring for my family and I now I had to learn how to take care of her as the disease slowly took over her life.  This wonderful lady was reduced to infancy she had to be washed, fed and changed.

  Toward the end I began to feel like my own life was coming to an end.  I was not the wife and mother my family knew.  I had no emotional support. This is so important.  

   The feelings of wanting to climb into bed, close my eyes and never get up again were overwhelming.  I cried on a daily basis and awoke each morning ridden with guilt, feeling that I couldn’t go through another day.  The fear of death consumed me.

     We had survived the suicide of one family member a few years earlier, but I didn’t think we could bear another death in our family.

     Therese’s discomfort was painful for us all.  Medical supplies came into the house as fast as her illness progressed.  A hospital bed was set up in the living room so that she could still be a part of the daily activities in her home.  The oxygen tank sat in the corner, unsympathetic to her pain.  Tubes intertwined with the furniture.  Each holiday, I tried to create a bearable vision for her home by making her new bed an inviting place to slumber.  The oxygen tank took on the Characteristic’s of a scarecrow for Halloween and a Pilgrim at Thanksgiving.  Santa was rushed in early that December. Therese loved them all and would laugh at them.

    By day, I would paint a smile on my face and be as cheerful as I could.  At night, The smile was washed away by my tears, like a clown washing off her make up after a performance.

     One morning just before Christmas, there was crisp white snow falling as I put my children on the bus for school.  That morning I did not go to take care of Therese’.

    My mother-in-law was going to stay with her while I did some of the chores that I had neglected for so long.  The telephone rang.  When I picked it up, there was silence at the other end.  I knew at that moment Therese’ had lost her battle.  After hearing the words, “She’s gone”, I slowly hung up the phone and walked up the street.  Approaching her house, I knew nothing there would ever be the same.  I felt a sense of relief knowing she did not have to suffer another day in pain.

   Shivering as I entered the door, I was overpowered with feelings of resentment because she did not die when I was with her, perhaps she did not want me to see her take her last breath.  I went to her and said my goodbyes.  I thanked her for all she had given me in my life and all she had taught me. I kissed her on the forehead, then turned and walked away.

     I swore that day I would never take on that task again.  I knew I had done my job well and that my heart could not bear the draining pain I had experienced, ever again.

     Two years had passed when Rick’s call came.  I had to choose between declining his request of being a caregiver for her mother and setting aside my fears of death, or reliving my past experience all over again.  I chose the latter without looking back.

     Once again, I painted that smile on my face.  I spent hours each day with Rick’s mother, Mary.  We became friends and confidants.  She shared loving stories of her son and her hopes and dreams for his future.  She often felt she was a burden to him, but I assured her she was not.  I told her how much Rick loved her and what a wonderful son she had.  We talked about her fears of death and prayers for her recovery.  We laughed and we cried, forming a special bond between us.

     Thoughts of my previous promise to myself resurrected, but the love I had for Mary and Rick washed them away.  I realized that I had found my calling in my life.

     As the end came near, I spent much more time with Mary and Rick.  On a summer day in June, I went to Mary’s house to make sure she was comfortable.  It was a cloudy day but when I was with her there was always sun, even though it wasn’t shining.  I stepped outside to look at Mary’s flowers; they were in full bloom.  I thought of her as the sun peeked though the clouds.  The warm breeze felt good on my face, and I suddenly felt at peace.

     Rick went into the house to use the telephone.  He stopped at his mother’s bedside to see that she was comfortable.  At that same moment, she had taken her last breath.  Rick stayed with her awhile.  He didn’t want anyone else to see her that way and I understood.  Rick pulled me close to the doorway.  I knew he wanted for me to see something.  When I looked toward the bed, I saw Mary holding a rose in her hands.  It was the rose that I had brought her.  I knew Rick had placed it there.  That was his way of saying thank you.  Seeing it meant so very much to me.

     Leaving their home that day, I recall many wonderful moments I spent with Mary.  I remembered lying be side her singing softly in her ear, “You are my sunshine, my “Mary” sunshine.”  I smiled a happy smile because there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and her gardens were beautiful.  The smile on my face was no longer painted, I felt happy that Mary was at peace.  Mary taught me that life is not to be feared, and that love will show me the way.

     Reflecting on these past experiences, I feel I made the right choice to become a CNA.  Working with the Terminally Ill brings me a sense of peace.  I have formed a bond with these wonderful people in my life that will always be a part of me.  Knowing I have made their last days of life as comfortable as I could, I feel I have done my job well.


 My life will be forever changed because of the love I received from every patient I cared for. They were God’s gift to me.  I dedicate this story to all the loved ones who I have lost and will find again in another time.

   I go to my favorite Nutrition store  ask for John.

   Try new and natural Supplements.  Ask your Doctors first before taking anything.

   I am a lover of meat, dairy, eggs and cheese. These things I hear are so bad for you, and right now the only things I can taste is salt and sugary foods, so that’s what I eat during the wait for my taste buds come back. I began adding new things every week. 


 Researching Rosemary; Aloe; Apricot seed (laetrile); Omega 3; Essiac tea and Agave Necter for a sugar substitute.

 Budwig’s protocol

 2/3 C. Lowfat, Organic Cottage Cheese

1/3 C. of flax Oil, put into blender with fresh fruit or nut (Walnuts and Almonds.) 

   I hate Cottage Cheese but I hate having Cancer more.

I had a Chief/ Nutritionist who came to my house to get me the right diet but after starting my Chemotherapy (Folfox).  I couldn’t eat anything so I started with Ensure and Vitamin waters and Chicken soup which were good but that’s about what I lived on for the first 2 weeks of my treatments.  I lost a lot of weight (great diet) and I was down to my high school weight. I wanted to stay at this weight but I still had four more rounds of my Therapy so I knew I’d lose more.  I gained a few back during my third weed. I was told by numerous people to eat pot brownies and I will admit, I did, but I was so out of it I slept for hours then got up and had to have a Peanut and Jelly Sandwich, which was hard to eat but when the munchies come around you’ll want anything.

Round # 9; I had three more to go and dreaded them but I knew it was almost over and I could begin living my wonderful life as I did before.  I was not lost in this world of Cancer, I knew the Cancer would be gone and it would be lost to me. Woo Hoo!

     As I sat here writing and eating my soup, I thought about everyone who has lived through what I did.  I wish I could meet each one and ask, “What helped you through your Journey of Cancer and what did your Body teach you”?

     I want to be able to have every positive experience out there in this book but I can only give you mine.  With each and every Chemotherapy visit, I had learned a new lesson. Your connection with other Cancer Patients, are helpful and healthy. You can make a difference in their lives and they can make a difference in yours, if you are positive, because your positive thoughts are good energy and it’s like an electrical current that you plug into each other. So find a person who is going through this and bond. I am amazed at what my positive attitude has done.

     I have learned to set goals now, maybe small goals but they get me through each Treatment. Number 8 was a big steak, 9’s goal was a Lobster, #10 was all you can eat Shrimp! time with my animals and laughing with my Family and Friends.

     Once my taste buds came back I bought Lobster, Cooked it at home with steamed Clams, Corn and other wonderful foods that I love and we ate all of it.

I was able to go out to see Bella, my Paint Horse and Psychiatrist, and clean the stall. Spending time with my Mini Horses, Ike, Tina, Turner and Costalot, who live in our yard. Playing with our Cockatoo’s; Nenya and McGoo.  Loving my Dogs; Sahara, Fynn and Brutus.  The Cats;  Casper and Milo and spending time with my best friend, (my Husband).

Cancer or no Cancer, life is short, so enjoy every moment.

   It’s time to drag your butt out of bed, off the couch or out of that chair and do something to strengthen your muscles.

  Get a large rubber band, (you can buy them at any store that sells work out equipment or a Physical Therapy office.) This, I’m saying because I didn’t, I slept.  Then my Chemo was 3 weeks apart instead of 2, I was able to have some time to feel good.

 I walked (slowly because my balance was off, cleaned horse manure, and moved enough to build muscle.  It takes longer to build your muscles back then it does to lose them. My Husband is always worrying that I’m going to fall.  Just be safe at whatever you choose to do.

I went Golfing with my Sister in law and my Husband, I drove the cart and hit a couple balls, the Sunshine was great, (vitamin D), but don’t stay in the Sun too long because with Chemo the Sun will burn you up. It was a wonderful, happy day.

   I am now at my High School weight, and it feels great. But I had to maintain this with Ensure shakes during Chemo treatments and then when my taste bud return, I eat anything in site. I figured out that I got about a week and a half before going back for treatments so I bulked up, knowing I would not eat solid foods for a week or so. I knew the foods I eat were not healthy at times, but I ate what I could taste. I have given up sugar but still want a peanut butter cup at times. I ate nuts, and tried different fruits because of the taste buds being so messed up.

   You can’t have it all, you just need to maintain your life when you can and rest when you can’t.  It’s almost like a light bulb goes off in your head, Listen to your body.   

   I’ve gone through some rough times but that’s when you turn to family, friends or anyone you can talk to, don’t disregard your feelings, understand that the more you hold them in, the harder it is on your body. I can’t tell anyone how to feel, but trust me it’s not worth feeling ill over things you cannot change.

Positive: Positive: Positive.   It’s the only thing that got me through everyday. When you wake up in the morning and it’s a good day, be thankful for it and enjoy the things you love. On your bad days, find something to keep you busy. Reading, a craft, phone calls to long lost friends, just keep busy.

Round #11 had come and gone, Yes, I dreaded it. This past round of chemo was so different from the last. When you think you know what’s going to happen to your body again, lose those thoughts, it can change in a heart beat.  Some good, some not so much.

    I love working in my yard, there are days I just look at it and cry because I can’t be out there so I began planting house plant in my home, which is good because it creates more oxygen in the house. But that’s how I changed a bad attitude into a good one.

   I have 5 horses, four miniatures, which live on our property and one very large horse who is boarding at a stable.  I can’t do the work everyday and it hurts not to be with them, but I have wonderful family and friends to help.  I get out on my good days and make phone calls for my helpers on my bad days.

   A friend who is a Cancer Survivor told me to let it go that I can’t continue to feel guilt over what my body tells me what I can do, “My horses didn’t die while I was sick,” she said and “yours won’t either.” It was good advice from someone who had been in my place so I listened and she was right, they are all healthy and doing good with out me with them on a daily basis and when I am with them I do what I can.

   I have learned that it is all about me. I can’t be in charge of all I used to be so why fight it. Life is not the same, and it never will be again, your mind will not forget what you have gone through, you will be a different person in a good way, go with the flow, take the good out of everything and leave the bad, it’s not worth your precious time you have in life and if anyone tells you that you’ve changed, smile and say “Yes I have and it has made my life better”.

  My last round will be on November 15th 2011. Then I get a month off, with CT Scans and Pet Scans to see what Cancer cells have appeared. It is scary but I know more are gone.  My next step is to enjoy my month off, spend Birthdays of my Grandchildren, Christmas and friends coming to visit, then off to Briggham’s and Woman’s Hospital in Boston for surgery of the dead Tumor and Fibroid Tumors in my Uterus. I may be there for 3-4 weeks but after, I will see what is next, I can only look forward so far and not panic over what is next.

   If you begin to panic at any time, please find the Mediation tapes I listed and listen to them twice a day, they really help.

It is all up to you. No one can really help you keep that positive attitude.

   Round 12 and the last! It was the hardest of them all, seems the side effects never went away and got worse after the last round.  It was hard but I survived it. The neuropathy is still there and the doctor said it could take months to go away, I have started taking Curcumin or Turmeric (spices) for it and it has helped, I also tried Acupuncture and it seemed to help also.  I went for my CT and PET scans 3 weeks after my final round of Chemotherapy, then had to wait a week to see the Doctor for the results. That was the longest week of my life I think.

On December 18th 2011 I finally got my results. I had no live Cancer cells!!!!!

It became my new Birthday. It was gone and I was given the best Christmas miracle anyone could ask for.  We celebrated with wonderful family and friends, Christmas night I brought out 7 Chinese lanterns, wrote my name, my sister-in-laws name (who also just received a cancer free diagnosis) and my new non profit business name ( on them and about 15 of us walked to the canal, and lit them, sending them out into the night sky for all to see.

  The following day someone called a news station and said he saw UFO’s I laughed, knowing that they were our Lanterns and also called the news station, they came to our house and interviewed me and it was a great interview because they revealed my cause, I have got more hits on my website since this aired.

   I then counted down to my surgery, the thought of flying to Boston scared me, but I knew this surgery was nothing compared to what I had already been through.

I’m positive. A changed woman. More confidant, more open and loving.

Cancer gave me a whole new outlook on life and I embrace every moment. 

   I will not heal from the fear of dying ,I will heal from the wonderful thoughts of living my life to its fullest

Sometimes life has its own way of working.  We expect one thing and we are handed another.

    There are things in my life in the past ten months that I never expected to happen. Plans have to change sometimes even if we don't want them to.

I have a wonderful life, but I can’t tell you in this past ten months, I had had quality of life, in fact it was fighting for quality of life.

     There is that question in our lives that we have asked ourselves, “what is more important quanity or quality? “ Well, when I was healthy and cancer was not a part of my life, I choose quality, ten months of chemotherapy, quanity became important to me. I had counted down each round of therapy.  I always told myself that after it was over it would be quanity. I made my self believe this because I have children, grandchildren , family and friends I wanted to spend more time with. The love in my life changed. I had no more anger, no more time for drama, I had no intentions on spending another moment of my life being unhappy.  All I can count on is one more day, one more laugh and one more moment to feel good about who I am and what I want to do with my life.

   I headed to cape cod where I lived my whole life, I stayed with my daughter and granddaughter for a few days . It was snowing out and I slipped on her kitchen floor, slamming into the door jam, I fell to the floor. This fall was one of many falls I had during my wonderful experience of chemotherapy.  I didn’t go to the hospital for this one but I’m sure I should have.

I went to stay with my sister in law before my week of hospital visits.  She was my lifeline. She is a nurse and would be the one person to keep me in the loop of medical tests and medical talk.  I traveled to Boston for tests and doctor visits.  My first visit to the hospital was moments of misunderstanding, Reports not sent, documented notes not in the reports, a whole new beginning to a continued story that I didn't want to be a part of anymore but I did what I had to do. We laughed at the silliest things waiting for this new Doctor to come in, He didn't have much of a sense of humor, at least not up to my standards. very dry and didn't get any jokes I came out with. Maybe he thought I was an idiot for laughing at Cancer.
If you remember the movie Airplane, Leslie Nelson in every segment of the movie said,"well I guess I picked the wrong week to quit : smoking, taking drugs etc..., so thinking I was funny after our talk about what was going on I said, " well, I guess I picked the wrong week to quit shooting Heroin ."  Not a laugh out of any of them, but Marcy and I laughed so hard. I wondered if they really thought I used drugs!

All the same tests were done. A CAT scan, blood work, endoscope, and waiting, again... Surgery was scheduled for a Monday and on Thursday night before surgery I received a call from a nurse.  " Your appointments have been canceled for Friday and no surgery for Monday." she said.  

" I don't understand, what happened" I asked.

"Well, there isn't enough of a tumor to operate on "the nurse explained. But what I heard was bla bla bla no cancer! 

Once I hung up the phone, I looked at my sister in law,( I had the phone on speaker so she could hear the conversation). Both of us were in tears and speechless. There were more questions, something didn't seem right. Who beats stage 4 cancer?  We called back and the nurse explained that the tumor was too small to operate on and the lesions in the lungs and liver were gone.  Needless to say we celebrated a lot that night.

I made my first call to my husband who was in shock. We decided to have him drive to the cape and pick up.  This would be our alone time, which was well deserved, it had been a long haul for the both of us.  In celebration of my survivorship and my sister, Debbie's diagnosis of being cancer free, we lit off Chinese lanterns at the beach with many friends and family members. It was something important to me to do with the people I love.

The following days my husband and I spent with my son and daughter in law, then left for home. It was a four day trip and wonderful to be with my best friend again after a month.

This was the longest time we had ever been apart.

Life this past year has been a trip, sometimes I think it's been a trip to hell, other times, it seems like a trip through a school I'm glad I signed up for.

After contacting my Oncologist here in Florida with the Boston doctor reports, he had a few questions. 

After a happy moment in life, reality had to rise its ugly head with more realistic facts.

Fact 1- granted the tumor was too small to operate on, but it's still a factor

Fact2-any size tumor can generate one single bad cell.

Fact 3- radiation is still a thought.

I don’t look forward to any more cancer. I do look forward to getting back to life and feeling normal.


I will know more soon.
Well, my doctor says we are done. after going through all the Boston reports, he feels I can move on with my life, since then I am off the blood thinners, still have the port until april's CT scan, taking an Aspirin a day for the Factor 5 and scheduled my scope for april also. I will see my Oncologist every 6 weeks to clean out the port but I am living life. doing what I did before and smiling a lot.
see, you too can beat the hell out of cancer. I did!
april 2012
well, thought I beat it. 
I had my CT scans, bone scan, set up for colonoscopy next week. bone scan went great, was told by a doctors nurse or whoever she was that called." your CT scan came out great, nothing new" woo whooo! 
well, she should not have called, the doctor was a bit taken back by that, she wasn't the one who ordered the test so the nurse took it upon her self to call with results that were false.
My primary Doctor saw me and told me there is a new nodule in my right lower lobe of my lung. talked to my Oncologist, and now its decision making time. Its going to take a few days to process this, but I'll get there,
round 2 ding... ding....
     I needed to wait 8 weeks to have another CT scan done, You can't have one right on top of the other.
During those 8 weeks, I felt wonderful, worked my normal days with the animals, laughed, went back to a normal life.  I had the next CT scan and now there are 4 spots in my lungs.
    I had a very special trip to Cape Cod for my sister-in-laws Cancer benefit, got to see my kids and family to tell them the news in person. and my world wind trip was through.
 On monday morning. June 11th, 2012 I talked to my oncologist, on that monday night he called me to let me know my chemotherapy a new one would be ready for june 18th.
On the 18th I went to my appointment,they began to flush out my port but there was no return for blood, seems like there is a clog or something, after a while, time was running out (it takes 3 hours to do the meds in the office) so a little heparin and I left. On the 19th at 8:30 am they tried to get blood return again, still not working, everything will go in but nothing out.
really? do I need a plumber? rooter router?
With meds started : Atropine; Avastin; Irinotecan; Leucovorin; Ondansetron, Dexamethasone and that is all done at the infusion center. After these are done they give me another drug called Fluorouracil, this is in a "to go" bag which I have on for 2 days.
The newest medication is the Irinotecan, I couldn't do the same one before which was called Folfox. I had maxed that one out.  
   An all new learning curve for the newest drug, it's a game called,  "Which side effect will be the toughest". lol. first it was a feeling like i was on a cloud, really strange feeling, almost between car sickness and being on a roller coaster ride, they said it was the Atropine. then once the others were set up i felt a tummy ache, my eyes got so cloudy and i could hardly see out of my right eye. of coarse heading to the bathroom 3 times, and a head ache. this was all day one.
    Round 2 of six was an interesting time, my speech had slowed down, my vision got bad, headache, couldn't sleep, shortness of breath and a rattle in my lungs, mouth sores are just a few of the side effects.  When to see my primary Dr. there, they took my Blood Pressure, it was 78/44. thats a bit low, I should keep and eye on it.
the most fun is when I try to say something and it comes out totally diferent. it is funny, I keep everyone entertained.  Handfuls of hair had begun to come out, Attitude adjustment needed, and a regular BM would be a great thing. 
a not so funny part of a cancer story is when some one dies from it
July 13th brought a message I didnt want to hear. a person who I consider a hero has died.

A very wonderful man Steve Lancelot " NYFD" who had cancer, died. He was a part of 911 and had cancer because of his job. He is a true hero, God has brought him home to inspire a new life in Heaven. I will post his photo on
any brother of FD's, if you would like to send a message to his beautiful wife Kathleen, she could use the support.
Kathleen Lancelot         (
137-04 Whitelaw st
Ozone, NY 11417

A friend put us together during his battle because of covers for chemo. Steve was the first to receive a cover donated by Broward FD. so I want to again thank Broward county FD for their wonderful donation.
My love, prayers and hope for a cure to Kathy.

July 2012

I enjoyed a visit with a local woman also fighting Cancer, she is a wonderful lady with lots to share, and I want to thank her for emailing me for a cover.  So happy to have met Margaret Scott.

 My Dog is now having to live with new names again, I keep calling Sahara, Asia.  she looks at me funny. 

 Life is good.

Round 3 has done a lot of damage, I became very dehydrated, so many sore, In my nose, lots of nose bleeds. I have sores in my mouth which made it so hard to eat or drink anything. Cramps all the time. and that positive attitude isn't so positive anymore. I had gone to the doctors and they decided that this was killing me so we figured it was best to stop the chemo for a while and adjust the medications when I start again, I went to the office and had IV's for a few days  (3 1/2 hours a day) which kept me from going to the hospital.

I have begun the fun parts of Chemo Brain, Trying to express myself takes on a whole new meaning to the English Language.
We played the Lottery the other day and I asked Myles if he had checked the Monopoly ticket.  The look on his face was priceless.
We had Tacos and I asked my daughter for more," can I have more Napkin?" she laughed so hard and handed me a plate of napkins instead of the food.
I wanted  pudding and asked for tobacco, and said after that the chips were hurting my feet. They help me to get through these trying times by making me laugh at my self.

I am able now to touch on another problem which came about when I made my husband go for his colonoscopy, They did a lot of blood work and found that he contacted Hep C.

Myles had worked as a medic and was a Capt. on the fire department for 28 years.  back then Universal Precautions were not used. He said he can't count how many needle sticks he got back then or how many times he went to the Hospital covered in blood with patients.  He had some major decisions to make but because of my cancer, he didn't want to begin his medications until I was off mine. The stigma in the medical field about Hep C was all negitive. He wouldn't talk about it and felt that everyone he worked with would not want to be near him.
How sad to have to feel that way. but It was what he knew.
He is now into his own Medical version of hell and doing well, He understands that this is an epidemic and 1 out of 3 people have Hep C. He had finally given me permission to write about this to help others. Its been a hard and tough road we are traveling but we will make it through.
So, I ask you all , Please go to your Doctor, ask for a viral load count and make sure you don't have it, an if you do. begin a medical regimen because this is curable.

we are both tired, He does 8 pills a day and one shot a week, the shots really tire him out and has at time tested our strength in marriage.  but I know we will get through this and I see a very nice vacation in out future. 

Just another week of life.
I just spent the past 6 days in the hospital blood work, CT Scan, xrays, tons of antibiotics and colitis. what more can a girl ask for. should have asked for a diamond or a new car or something good.
After the 6 days in the hospital, im home and dizzy and waiting for a week of doctor visits because all of them were on vacation at the same time.
Im feeling its time to down size the zoo, quit the chemo and move on to living what life I have left. just don't know if thats the right answer yet.
its august, the heat is florida is so hot, cant go out much and it seems the only time i get out is for a dr visit.
one appointment was to swallow a camera, this to me was a great visit because I find this test so interesting. 8:20 I swallowed it, they hooked me up to a monitor and for 8 hours the camera tok pictures every 2 seconds. at 4:20 the monitor shut off, then they took it off and i went home to wait for the camera to come out.
My husband told me  " the poop-arazzi pictures can be put on my tube." he has such a wonderful humor about him, even though he is going through his own illness we still laugh, its not easy being sick together when we both cant get our heads off a pillow. but we do it together.
my next appointment will be another CT Scan then a Dr visit follows that.

My visit for all the results of tests were mostly good news. 2 spots in my lungs were gone the other two (left lower lob and right upper lobe) are still there but smaller. so Dr Garcia talked me into finishing the 3 rounds of chemo, they would cut out the FU% push, lower the main meds by 25% and have me do the rounds 3 weeks apart instead off 2.

Im feeling better about doing it again. i will not go back to the hospital and this 3 is a breeze. Life is like a box of rocks, you never know which one will hit you in the head lol.
Another one of my things to do on my bucket list: see Rascle Flatts, MY MOST FAVORITE BAND, and to hear them sing "I won't let go" well looks like this dream will come true, VIP passes to meet them on Oct 27th.
can you believe someone could actually make my wish come true? I can't and Im so thankful to Andre"  thanx honey.  I hope they will check out my website and sign my guest book, what an honor that would be.  Im bringing them some snuggies in hopes they will autograph 2 and take one to just one cancer patient  and see what I see when giving them out.

 I also got to go on an air boat ride a short time ago, that was on my list of things too. it was hot but awesome to do this with my daughter and 3 grand children.

My husband has not had this past month easy. He had a blood transfusion the other day because his WBC and RBC counts were just not going up, even with a nulasta and procrit shot.
He is feeling a lot better and Im in hopes he got a pro Golfers blood so he can play better lol.

Life is a roller coaster ride, buckle up keep seated at all times, there are moments that scare you and others that make you laugh. just go for the ride and enjoy.

Round 4 was not as bad now thats im feeling better, I guess it was bad while feeling like crap.
the sores are coming back, i am beginning to feel the little stubbles of what hair had grown hurting which means that will all come out again. breathing is labored and this too shall pass. ill feel great on the 24th of sept. and them  BAMMMM! the 25th begins chemo hell again lol.
on a very happy note, My husband's Doctor called and there is no sign of Hep C in his body. His viral load went from 7 million, to # 5 and now to 0. YES I SAID ZERO!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so happy for him, this was killing him (the meds) Doc wants him to continue meds for another 10 weeks but perhaps it can be lowered so he can start to feel better.  
I just finished up round 17, yesterday was a rotten day but today is better im heading up now and only have one more round which will be October 16th. woo hoo

Dear Chemo, I wish you could approach the human body in a much kinder way, I don't blame people for hating you, You have a way of making people not want to fight. you fill the body with so much trouble.
you play games with our minds, and just when we think we have your number, you switch tactics and preform unbelievable tricks that hurt so badly.
I swear you are the devil himself!!
I am at the end
 now dear chemo, so do not think you are going to control me any more. you will not knock me on my butt, you will not make me throw up, you wont even be allowed to keep me from having good thoughts about what i am going to do with my life after october 16,2012.
yes sir, that is the last of our time together. you will no longer be a part of my life, my family, my thoughts or my time. 
I will give you some credit . You have helped me to grow, you have given me more time, you have made me understand that I need to think about myself first and most of all you have helped me to stop and smell the flowers of life.
With you penetrating every cell in my body with your poison I have not had a normal life in almost 2 years. I believe you have taken enough of my life now and Im here to let you know "Im taking my life back" 
so, enjoy your last joke on me, because you will be forever gone very soon. I now going to hit the ground running, and you will not stop me. you will not be killing anymore good cells and I WILL LIVE CANCER FREE

Today was a wonderful day for Myles and I, we delivered covers to "POST" ( Pediatric Oncology Support Team in W. Palm Beach, My Thanks to all the team members who we met. They are a wonderful Organization for Children with Cancer. I am honored to be a part of what they do.I am truly blessed.
I was also Honored to meet a true Hero who dedicates his time to helping others. His name is Dusty, He is a Therapy Dog, its a must to check him out at
    Pink Paddy Event/Benefit for Cancer awareness was sponsored by Broward County Sheriff and Fire Department, cover for chemo was sponsored by them and I was honored to be a part of this wonderful day. It was the first event and I know next year will be even bigger. I had a few problems while there which was not pretty but hey, its part of life on chemotherapy, thank goodness I did bring other
    Myles is still on his medications, he only has 6 more injections to go so we are close to finishing up or rounds and will begin a new healthy life together.
I'd ask to be remarried but after all this crap we have been through in the past 2 years he would more then likly so Hell No!!! lol

October 16th
.yesterday was the beginning of the end of my Chemo, my "to go" chemo in place until tomorrow and side effects begun kicking in with in an hour of starting. some last for days/weeks some go right away

these happy hours are not so happy but it is something you deal with. trying to keep positive through it all has been hard at times and trust me I have my moments.

I am thinking about how wonderful
 my Cancer Crew is at my Dr office and how i watch them in awe taking care of every one in there, they are like a well oiled machine. working non-stop to help us all

Dr Garcia is the best and I have trusted him with my life, He was so proud of me yesterday, I feel strong, I dont look dead like last time, and he was so impressed with my Blood work says, this isn't just good, this is the best I have seen on any level.
He agrees with the natural stuff I take and told me not to stop any of it, which is unusual for a physician to agree with. My blood work is better then most healthy patients. I will post all I do again on my web site because I do believe its all working. and hope others will look into each product and do their research like I have. 

On November 5th, I will have another PET Scan, this will tell the whole story of my Journey with Chemo round 2. I pray its all good news and want to move on to live life not just be alive and wonder what is next. 
If there is a next step in this Cancer Journey, well I can say it wont be Chemo, but wont think about that now. Its time to love life again, time to heal, time to enjoy, and its time to bring covers for chemo to its next level of non-profit so when we go away we can travel the USA and delivery state to state. I just want to help all who needs a little comfort through their journey. I just want to let them know we all need to stick together and fight as a team, no Cancer journey traveled alone. so spread the word..... I'M BACK!!!!
as of November 5th I am considered cancer free, my PET scan shows nothing. Thank you GOD and Thanx to all your prayers, happy thoughts and well wishes
Now its time to kick butt with covers for chemo
Today is the last day  of 2012

before ending this year There was a mass found, this grew through my last 6 rounds of Chemo so I wasn't worried about it being Cancer, what the hell can grow through that poison? An appointment with you GYOB sent me to an appointment to my Gastro DR. which sent me to a Surgeon. a biopsy was scheduled right before Christmas but once he entered the twilight zone and snapped a few photos, he decided to not do a biopsy and just schedule a surgery to remove it. so the day after Christmas I went into Bathesda Hospital at 5:30 am( who gets up at that hour for surgery?) and he began the removal of the mass shortly after. I though long and hard the night before because I've always been a person to lend a helping hand and knowing I would be out I left the surgeon an emergency kit incase he needed something so I taped a baggie to my thigh which said rib open in case of emergency. in this kit was a tube of super glue and 2 swimming pool patches. I wonder if he has a sense of humor????

I was home by 1:00pm slept the day and the next day too. there was a lot of pain.
on Friday I received the call, and i did I must say surprise the hell out of me, it was Cancer, yep! the same stupid cancer that i had in the rectum, the same as the liver and lungs (2 times) and now its made its way to the front, so here I am again, playing the waiting game, wondering how much he couldn't take out and how far it has spread since being opened up. I sit thinking of what needs to be done before I die. Ive collected my few treasures and passed them on, I look around trying to figure out how the hell this house is going to get cleaned and who will take care of my yard when im gone.
I think about not watching my grand children grow up, my husband moving on, my children being sad and it all sucks!
friday the 4th I will see the Surgeon and im sure eventually the rest of the team of Doctors so the wait is on.
Live is an amazing ride, but this trip has got to end,enough is enough. I just want to laugh again and go on a vacation. who knows if my Bucket list can still work? 

Thursday 1/3/13
Tomorrow is my grand daughters 5th Birthday and I have an appointment with the Surgeon who took what he could of the mass they found.  wow! thats all I can say.
Im scared to death, hmmm guess is shouldnt use that term.
I had a meltdown yesterday, and really thought I was going to lose it. God Bless my husband, he listens and lets me cry, even when im saying  I am going to die, he just listens. what a rotten thing to say to your best friend. but he just takes it all.  I wouldnt know what to do with out him. shortly after i received a text, someone who ive never met personally was coming to visit. he knows what im going through because he has been there also.
was this God's plan? I dont know the answer. I do know that the short visit did us both god and we have a new forever friend in our lives, thanx Mike!
My Surgeon visit went ok. we will begin radiation some time soon. just something new. might as well learn it all.  Ill hope for the best and pray this kills the tumor and doesnt end up putting a hole in the perineum which will mean2 bags attached for the rest of my life. He says they have very good results with this . It's 5 AM and I've been awake since 3. its amazing how many things you can think about while laying in bed. If I could just have it all done by thinking it , I think last nigh I had an addition on the house, a new porch, a bigger paddock for the miniature horses and my bathroom was re- done along with our stairway. but when I got out of bed at 4:30 it all still looked the same. lol.
I see my Oncologist today at 11AM and believe I'll begin my Avastion which Ive been off for a month because of the surgeries. so the holidays are over and its back to reality, just time to learn about Radiation now instead of Chemo. I've always belieced If your not learning something new everyday, life isnt worth living. but I didnt think about the brain not holding it all in there.
Well, Avastin is on hold while I begin the radiation world. I will begin soon and had my CT scan (which was nothing like any other I have ever had, lets just say there will be a whole new world opening up in places that have never been a public spot). I also had an MRI today. My new Doc said they fuse the two together and pin point the spot to do the Radiation. I have now new tattoos across my pelvic area. not my idea of a tattoo . maybe we should recommend small cartoon markers, something fun.
I will asume with in a week i will begin. also I will start chemo pills on the days of radiation.
As I go for the 3rd treatment, so is my sister in law, one of my dearest friends going through her 3rd also, I wish Debbie and I could be together but she is in my home town of Yarmouth, MA and im here in Florida. Debbie Maseda, I love you more then you will ever know and we will beat this crap right?
A call from the new Doc's office today, they want another CT Scan tomorrow to be able to make inside i guess,  Ill find out more tomorrow.
The stress is overwhelming me. I now have to make some decisions that I hoped I would never have to make. Its not about the cancer, its about my Zoo. with 4 Miniature horses, 2 cockatoos, 2 dogs, 2 cats, one large horse,and all thats going on, I feel the best for the animals would be to find good homes for my birds and miniature horses. this is about their best care, something I have not been able to give them as they had before I had cancer.  There is a virus going around and 2 of the 4 miniatures have got it. I hope the other two dont.  I am a strong believer that if you get a pet, they are your family and you do not give them up. now I have to go against my beliefs and do just what i dont want to do because its about the animals not me. I pray God will give me the strength to do what is right. 
Well, even though I swore I would never do Chemo again, here I am, amazing how the will to live kicks in.  This is new to me, Its pills instead of IV therapy. it is much easier to take, I take 2600mg of Xeloda per day, 1/2 in am and 1/2 in pm 5 days a week and weekends off when I'm not doing Radiation.
It only takes about 15-20 minutes to kick in and I start to feel light headed and tired, I have scheduled them for after returning from radiation and this is when I crash, then the next dose is just before bed, I am pretty much sleeping through the side effects.
Not some much laughter this 3rd time around, but I get them where I can and the future holds a lot more.
Someone gave me a wonderful book. Thank you...  It's called
 "The Healing Codes." after reading it I do these Healing Codes 4 times daily. and ya know what. I have such a positive and wonderful out look on life.  I can not explain it but what I can tell you is its all about the stress you don't even know you have in your body. Its short, healthy,  simple and REALLY WORKS!!!
This is something I recommend to anyone who reads this.
and if you get it, do it!
well, its been a while since I wrote in this section of the website, since I began a Radiation page more is on that now, but an up date of the Chemotherapy side is this.
When I finished the last round (#25) of Radiation, I also finished up the Chemo pills.  It was a bit easier then the IV and being able to adjust it to my schedule worked out well for me.  I never lost my hair, i didn't throw up as much, and i would do them again if I have to.
I go tomorrow for a full body scan.  Then on Tuesday for a CT/MRI.
I have no fear this time, the healing codes work! even with the stress of all going on , I'm ok. and do not make my self sick over things any more.  I know God will help me through all that I need. I love my life and I know the Cancer was Gods way of heading me in the right direction and what I do with Covers for other Patients.
I will See both Doctors the following week for all the results.
On a happier note, Since I feel good right now (except for just getting Bronchitis from my daughter  and I hope I do not get the Gastritis that the grand children have had)  I've decided to begin the training of my Mini horses to pull a cart, and My big horse Bella to be therapeutic  horses for children, I think this will be a wonderful thing for Kids who have Cancer and / or other illnesses and disabilities.  Animals are so wonderful for them to be around. the connection is healthy for both the human and the animals. Covers for Chemo now being a non Profit can work this into a program and help more people with different problems.   I love the direction I am being told to go in. I thank God for this honor to do this work. 

4/22/2012  Happy Earth day. and what a beautiful Earth we are blessed to have to live on.  This day is about living, about protecting what we have so our future children can enjoy it also.
I thank God for every day I have.
With this being said,...
My PET Scan shows the Cancer is back. Its come back to my Liver and Lungs again.  I will Begin Chemotherapy on Monday April 29th. It will be the same as the second one I did and I will do 5 rounds , one every three weeks.  am I scared ? NO its not my first Rodeo. Do I hate the thought of re-living this Journey again? ya I do!!!!  WOW!!!! thats all just WOW!!!!
but this too shall pass because I am a fighter and I will win every time. Ill go whenI ready and not until.

no a fun day but im sure with the chemo brain kicking in, some funny stuff will happen
Began my 4th round in the past 2 1/2 yrs of life on chemo.I lost track of when i found out to now. it all runs together.
this time was totally different , even though it was one of the same chemo's i did before, the side effect hit suddenly, within the first 15 minutes I felt the neuropathy starting, head ache, sick to my stomach, just not the usual , "ok i will feel good until this crap is taken off in 2 days from now, then ill feel like crap for 5 day". so do i think since i feel like crap now, when i get this chemo off i will feel better? a girl can dream right.
The brain is fogging up. I should be quite fun come June when I go to Boston.

didn't get chemo, my white blood cell count was at 600  instead of 1000 . so by friday i was not able to lift my head, I called the doctor office, and decided to triple up on all my B 's, slept about 19 hours and saturday, and sunday got my energy back and a friend and I finished up on the round pen we are building for the horses.

did chemo today, it sucked, rough day and thursday ill have it taken off, friday morning ill get my neulasta shot  and sleep for the next 2-3 days which will be good for me sleeping through the drive up north to a new doctor at Dana Farber, they will do 1 round of chemo up there, and our award on june 5th from "
my poor husband will drive the trip alone because ill sleep through it. I did tell him to throw me in the back of the truck and cover me with a tarp and wake me up when we get there, but he didnt think that was such a great idea.
we have a house sitter and lots of friends who are police watching the house for us.  got to love them police who watch your back.

   Well where do I begin? its been a wonderful month of June, with a side of Inspiration, Hope, and Tears.
We where Nominated for an Award for "" which is through Mass General Hospital in Massachusetts.  My whole family lives there so it was a three-for! I got to spend time with family and friends, We held our Covers for Chemo yearly Meeting and made our plans for some fund raising,and received a most honored Award.. 
   We Left Florida on May 30th and arrived in Sagamore Beach on the 3rd of June. along the way was a trip I do not remember much of, I had done my 2nd round of Chemo on the 26th of May,had the pump removed on the 29th then went for my Neulasta shot on the 30th just before we left, so needless to say for the first 2 days of driving I slept. Stopping at hotels a few nights, I'd wake up to check in and sleep.
    One Econo Lodge we stayed at had this little purple duck, on the card with it , it had a Facebook address which said to take the duck with you and post pictures of the duck where you travel.  Needless to say the duck did some travels. We arrived at my Son and Daughter-in-laws home on the 3rd, and then traveled to Boston for the 4th.
    There we stayed at the Colonade, which was a beautiful condo owned by a wonderful woman named Mollie, who kindly offered it to us while in Boston.  The 4th I met a new Doctor at Dana Farber Cancer Hospital (one of the best in the USA) and his second opinion was pretty much the same as my Doctor had. This meeting was to set up my 3rd round of Chemo there so I didn't have to go home for it.
   On the 5th of June was Covers for Chemo's big night. With the charity work we do we were Nominated for an award and it was a beautiful night.  God Bless Mollie, she had donated a table so that my children could be there and She and a friend joined us for this award. ( as I sit here typing, tears of joy are blocking my vision) (Thank you so much Mollie, you Rock!!) 
   There were over 900 people at this award celebration and donations collected for Cancer Research received 1.3 million Dollars. WOW!!!
 I met some very inspiring people and one who I have so much love for is Ann Murray Paige. You can check it out by going to  
A beautiful night of dressing up, good food,wonderful people and family and friends. One hundred people received an award and I'm so proud to be apart of the one hundred.
    Before leaving Boston, we had a chance to be tourists, and pictures will be posted of all of it.
The rest of the trip was filled with a huge party ( thank you Lindsay  our Secretary and my daughter for planning the party and also to Patricia for allowing us to invade your house) with family and friends on the Cape, visiting family members and life long friends, seeing my mom's,my sister and brother nieces nephew the whole clan lol. my sister in law Debbie and My cousin who both are in  their journey of Cancer. I even got to have a great Cape Clam bake with Sherry, Marcy and My husband. Saw my daughter's new home which is beautiful and shared her wedding plans for September WOOHOO! and found out My son and Daughter-in law will be having a Baby in February. WOOHOO too!!
   We checked out all the Antique shops, a Jeep heaven for my husband. 
Got bite by a Dog. walked the Beach, Loved, Lived and Laughed a lot.
    Back to Boston to do my 3rd round of Chemo was interesting. we again stayed in Boston the night before thanx again Miss Mollie, then Myles dropped me off at Dana Farber and went to visit his Brother. a friend Mike came from the Cape and kept me company while I had my Chemo Cocktail. and it was nice of him to take that time out of his life to spend it with me.  Chemo just sucked! what more can I say.  Its a wonder state of the art Hospital, but no matter where you do Chemo, It's just not fun!
   Covers for Chemo spread all over Boston and Cape Cod, a few bags with comfort items were given out to friend with family member's who needed them, then a large amount were sent off to New Hampshire with a wonderful Lady and dear friend. She volunteered  to deliver to an Oncology Hospital , Another wonderful Lady , my friend Sherry took a supply to NY, Marcy ( our VP) took a lot to Cape Cod Hospital and I left a Bag of them for Mollie and Megan to deliver to a hospital close to them.  Lots of covers for a lot of people on their Journey, hope it helps them all to have a little bit of Comfort. 
   Many thanx to my friend Missi for living at our Zoo for a week while we were away and again, to Lindsay for the 3 weeks of handling the Zoo so we could stay. No one realizes how hard it is to take care of 12 animals
until they do it themselves. My thanx to Larry for taking on Miss Bella and working with Lindsay to feed and take care of my girl.
  So many people i didn't get the time to see, but i will on my next trip. but some need to drive over the bridge.
    Well, I covered that trip as much as I could. now for pictures to be posted. Ill call it Covers for Chemo North-East tour.
Next chemo is on the 10th.

woohoo chemo day this is #4 of 6
wasn't laughing this morning but didn't cry thats a good thing. so happy to be home in my box where i am use to how things work here. Dana Farber and the team was wonderful , don't get me wrong. I just like my little family at my normal place where I am comfortable.
Sahara (our Doberman) came home from the hospital today too, she has bolts in her leg with a big cast, My husband (he is a medic) will have to inject her with meds. tonight, I feel so badly for her and we put a queen size mattress on the floor for her and we slept together all day. 
   Have you ever heard of road rage?  will, there is also a chemo rage, and I , after 2 1/2 yrs of doing chemo have got it. I did notice a change in my attitude last round, just a bit annoyed with little things in life, but thought ,well maybe its just getting old putting these chemicals into my body. 
Yesterday i did round 5 of 6 for the forth time (all together at the end will be around 30 rounds). Im just plain pissed off at everything and it's just not who I am, i laugh a lot, always have good and positive things to say. but not now, i just want to rip someones head off including my own, so i got on the computer and did a little research, yep! there it was in plain site . matter-o -fact lots to read on the subject.
   So if you are angry, and you are on chemo, look up chemo rage, it just as valid as chemo brain. and you are not going crazy, its just a side effect that will pass.

I did my 5th round of Chemo of 4 x(#29).  It was monday the 12th, all went as well at to be considering i lose a week of life when done. Got taken off chemo on wednesday got disconnected from pump, thursday had my shot which goes righ to the bone and works on White blood celled. but when friday night came I was woken u with a stabbing pain in my right lung, after a few minutes it went away and i slept.

saturday morning i couldnt swallow anything not even water , this lasted through the weekend. I didnt want to go to the hospital because I knew it would end up staying for a week  so I as usual sucked it up and set an appointment for CT scan for monday at 4pm.  Well, it only got worse and went to Dr office and then the fun began,  I had myles drop me off because i dont like anyone around me while im sick. i walked in the door of the ER and someone said are you Rhonda? , yep! so they were ready for me.  She took all vitals and stuck me in a room and then the fun began, I love this hospital but the ER docs kind of suck. Afte 7 1/2 ours the doctor came in 1 time asked me 5 questions and never returned, you would think he would have come back to say hey this is whats going on, hi bye, or F^*k you but not not a word, but thats ok when i get all my records and they send out the survey, ill let them know what I think.

so.... after Blood work, Urine, CT scan, X-rays,Arterial blood for Ox, (which i might add it hurt like hell and im no whimp when it comes to pain) i ended up in the oncology ward anyways, who are a great bunch of doc's and nurses. more test ordered, Heart monitor the whole time (3 days), a swallow test which is set up on a MRI table standing up, first thing you have a pill put into water and it fizzes up, drink ir, as your doing this they can see everything going down,  Then barium, they watch this going down, then water, and then a pill with water. all thing and they know everything i swallow feels as if someone is stabbing me with a knofe. they were checking the throat when i told them to begin with it was in my lung area. but I guess they know what they are doing and checking the esophagus . After that which was all negative I had a scope put down my throat. but yes i was in la la land and didnt know a thing that happened. 
so.... after all that, the test shows all the sores that I get from the chemo in my esophagus, they found two polyps there, biopsied them and now the wait is on!   so now it recovery time, dr visits, stress test and get healthy for my daughters wedding on Cape Cod for Sept 12th.

9/4/13 that all my kids know whats going on with me, I can talk about this here. 

My Oncologist and I had a long talk after getting out of the hospital. We agreed that they put me through the ringer as far as tests and my body has had enough, soon my organs would begin to be effected.

We have both decided together that the chemo has done all it can do.( nothing in the Liver and 2 nodules in lungs are gone, but 2 more in the lungs are still there, have not grown have not shrunk) I will not do my last of this round. i will continue with the Avastin, which kind of keeps the cancer in check, helps to stop it from growing i hope,

I did a dose last week and I will do one more the day before I leave for the cape which will be a dose on the 11th.

I have an appointment on the 17th at Dana Farber for another second opinion, with my Doctor there, we will talk about what Trials they have. 

I also have an appointment when I return home I will be going to MD Anderson, which they have a satellite hospital in Orlando. 
MD Anderson is the best in the Country. 

I will not give up, I will fight until I find "my" cure, If I get to do a Trial, I can help others because the more people who do them , the closer we get to a Trial that will be FDA approved.

I'm very excited to begin a new Journey , I am not a Cancer patient, I AM A CANCER STUDENT! I am learning so much, and sucking it all up. I have always loved the Medical field and I know how to do research , which I have been doing daily for 2 1/2 yrs now.

I know this is long, but all of you who support me here, I feel you should know where I am at. I am now waiting for my results of my stress test and I know it will be good results.
I've had every test possible and will be able to give the Doctors every drop of info they need to help me to find my fix. AND I WILL FIND IT!!!!! 

so thats the scoop, I would like to say thanx to all of you who come here daily to check up on me. You all are such a blessing in my life which will continue for many more years to come. good night, sweet dreams, and I will be saying my prayers of thanx for each and every one of you.

Life has a funny way of turning your world up side down, kind of like a roller coaster ride, scary and fun,  Not sweating the small stuff is my way to live.

My trip to MA was a horrible experience my 3 hour trip turned into an 18 hour trip, but the airlines made good for the bad experience, for this I am so happy.  It took days to recover from this and ended up sick and still have Bronchitis from it. but thats ok, I had a wonderful time with my family and my daughters wedding was beautiful. My trip to Dana Farber Hospital was interesting. The Doctor  is an awesome handsome man, and he spend a very long time going through everything, With my Chemo Brain, My sister Marcy came with me, she is a nurse and kept track of all I cant remember.

He feels My Oncologist is doing all that can be done. I have been on a maintenance dose of Avastin. to hopefully keep everything in check while i go to other hospitals in search of the right cure.  There were no trials for my Squamous cell colorectal cancer there but said to keep checking.  

I came home to another experience at M.D.Andreson, Love this Doctor too. I have been so blessed with the best Doctors.  
here they treat you as if they are your family. we talked about trials, which he tried to get me into but has me on a list. not just colorectal, but for anal/rectal trials as well,  but again, no trials available, ( and now with the Governmant shut down, all these poor cancer patients who are on trials are out of luck)  you see.... trials have to have more then 10 people with the same cancer, mine , of coarse is rare. leave it to me to have some stupid cancer thats not common.

This man made is very easy for me to understand. so what i got out of it was this. I have an octopus in me, the head being a tumor, the legs being the damn thieves. you can cut the head off but the legs are now screaming out to the cells "help me im sick" well, cells dont know if they are good or bad , so the rush to the cell and help it. then the process starts all over again. so this is why i have been through 24 rounds of chemo, surgery and radiation. There was another medication to try, but with my neuropathy they said is would get worse and I could very well take the chance of breaking bones. If you don't know what this is, it is like someone is stabbing you in the feet, its very painful and sometimes when i step onto a floor i cant feel my feet or it hurts so badly i cry.  being a barefoot girl my whole life is not for me anymore, shoes at all time and sometimes boots which are tight at the ankles so i wont twist my ankle and break it.

My take ... well, There is a cure, where? how? what? are the questions !!! If you tell me I can't I will prove you wrong. If you tell me something wont work, Ill show you it will.

Right now, I believe I will be starting a 50 % dose of the same Chemo I have been on, this has got to be a walk in the park compared to 100%, so I can and will live with that.
I feel great, I live with bone pain 24/7 but ya know what, im here, i function I laugh and just keep working through the pain, which helps. I dont do pain meds, I just work harder. Its amazing how cleaning up after 13 animals can keep your muscles strong and i think now that winter is upon us its time to get the bike out and ride again.

Life is what you make of it and even the one who say they can't, I know they can, they just need that push, that slap across the back of the head that says wake up and deal. if I can, so can you.BOOT CAMP FOR CANCER!!!

Our "Covers for Chemo Costume Challenge Golf Tournament" will be held on October 26, 2013. Its at Villa Del Ray Golf Coarse at 12 noon. the awards, food, silent auction, and raffles are at the Mug. Its going to be a blast and I hope many will attend. and don't forget you Halloween costume. My GOAL id $5000.00 this amount will buy 1000 blankets with sleeves, Bags, Hand sanitizers, and other comfort items for the patients, every dollar helps, we will also presenting for the first time in public our hearts of hope, these hearts are made of horseshoe nails and wrapped in cancer colors. Then are for donations of $10.00. so come get your heart on!!! lol and there will be akissing booth, a kiss on your balls for good luck for a buck, Get your mind out of the gutter, (GOLF BALLS)

Off to begin the rest of the day, buying supplies for tournament. also Boo at the Palm Beach Zoo Halloween trick or Treat, Covers for Chemo tent will be at the Bears come find us there on October 18th from 5-9 pm
Keep laughter in your heart, its a cure for all

Time to update you on life, I'll start with the good stuff first. The Golf Tournament was wonderful, I can't believe the turn out, the love, the fun and very few complaints. we will tweak a few things next year but we were able to receive after all was paid out right around 7 thousand which will turn into lots of comfort items for patients. I am trying to find a trust worthy dealer and so afraid to get them out of the country because I dont want to lose this money, but buying in country the cost of 1 blanket with sleeves are triple the price, so I will figure it out.

now, the really crappy news is that im beginning AGAIN tomorrow my Chemotherapy. yep. itsss backkkkkk!! i have been very angry, i had an MRI of the brain, (yes i do have one and its cancer free) but its back in lungs and Liver again. geeze can I just catch a break?

Happy New Year, Im so blessed to have mad it through another year!
its been a while since I have kept up on this section of my site, so here is an update of life and cancer.

In october I lost my best friend and sister, Debbie i miss you so much and treasure the memories we made in life!
now.. december 12-19th 2013
on december 12th I was at JFK hospital having a sort of bead injected into my liver, there is only 1 tumor there and my Doctor feels we can do radiation on it, and it will be gone! woohoo, it was not an easy procedure, i was put under but woke up as he injected the bead or beads don't know how many all i remember was feeling a sharp pain in the middle of my chest and my body came off the table as i yelled WTF are you doing, that was all I remembered.
13th-14th was a little sore, then on that saturday night i got sharp pains in my left side of chest. it woke me up with a scream but stopped, sunday i called the Dr and he sent me to the hospital BATHERDA EAST oncology there is great but don't go into the cardiac ward, i though i would die in there, i left (walked out) on Thursday the 19th. got home and received a call from the hospital, "if you don't return here with the tube to your port we will call the police, you have bio-hasard material on you and we want it back. lol really???? so i went back they DC'ed the tube from port and wait because they told me to just wait a few minutes for the Doc to come in, 2 1/2 hours later she had not showed up, and was not even in the hospital her office told my daughter. so i walked out again! baddddd place to be, so, then they put me on lovenox which is a blood thinner, i had had a blood clot in my left lower lobe of my lung.I watched them give me my injections, opening needle and they had me do it too, so after receiving prescription i just started 2 shots daily as i was given in hospital, but.... with chemo brain i have learned not to do meds with out reading instructions lol. i was giving my self 200 mg  (100 AM 100 PM )
 i was suppose to take 90mg 1 shot daily so i over dosed on it, bleeding from areas we wont talk about and my nose and teeth. OPPS! so now i am on the right amount, skipping 1 more week of chemo and dont know when i will start radiation or even how many i will do. 
so its new years eve day, im alive, i love my life and now can laugh at the weeks i spent in crap land.  so, if you have chemo brain my advice to you is let some one read the directions to your meds.  have a happy and healthy new year my friends,oh by the way Ill be going to JFK from now on

February 13, 2014
Its been a busy sometimes painful and fun fun months, I did the Cyber Knife Radiation and would recommend that to anyone who can do it, no sores, no pain, it was actually very interesting. This awesome machine is so high tech. I go in put on this awesome shirt that zips up the back, suck your belly in and makes you look like a babe'  lol. i lay down, and the radiologist begins the treatment. it starts with 20 minutes on no moving, just breathing normal, the machine tracks your breathing.  Once my breathing pattern is done they begin the radiation which is about 45 minutes. this huge machine has a small camera head on it and it moves all around my body shooting the tiny radiation rays to the liver. I only did 3.  when i did my last radiation it was 25 and im still in pain from it and that was 10 months ago. so. in my opinion, if you can do this go for it.

I have an appointment with a Dr at Dana Farber in Boston on March 21, 2014. my daughter , the children and I will drive up.  I hope to be able to get into a trial there for Immunio therapy, look this up because I really believe in it and I know it will become FDA approved. They take your T-cells out change their way of thinking and put them back in you, then the T-cells begin their new job of killing cancer cells instead of feeding them, T-cell dont know a cancer cell from a good healthy cell. so I do think this a upcoming break through, not that I don't already believe that there are a lot of things out there already but that damn FDA wants to make money on drugs so they wont approve the natural stuff.
One last thing I will begin tomorrow is Hydrogen Peroxide therapy. I read that 35% food grade peroxide, and 6 oz of water, 1 drop in a glass per day, day two you put in 2 drops, day 3 you do 3 drops, up until you have 30 drops . thought it was interesting, dont do it if your dr says no! i am in no way telling anyone to do the things I do. I am just putting it out there.

i also began Essiac tea and Noni juice, you can look them up on line. hell, ill do anything i can to cure myself  


Boy it's been a long painful life at times! 3/12/14 I went to my radiologist, had a complete physical which was very painful due to scar tissue growth. We, my daughter, 2 grandchildren and her dog Fynn, left for Cape Cod the same day, it was a very long ride with my butt hurting all the way, on top of bleeding and constipation.
I also had an appointment at Dana Farber in Boston to talk about immino therapy trials. I also was able to spend a week with my new grand son Nolan. the visit was great, it was too cold up north and my trial dreams were broken. no trials set up for a small number of people, only large amounts of people so if you are in that category PLEASE call about it and see if you can get in a trial.
Im very sad not to be able to do a trial, my cancer is rare and not enough of us count I guess.  

well its amazing how much of you lie can change in just a couple o weeks!Last tuesday I went to see yet anew doctor, she was a GYOB/oncologist. I went because of a
few sores that i thought were the same sores i get in my mouth, nose,& bellybutton,from the chemo. well..... i guess I didnt want to think the worst. I have a tumor, in the same spot the first one was, being in a car and sitting or days  in MA. I thought the scar tissue from the radiation was just hurting me, seems it was a 5" x 2" tumor between my Vagina and my anus. hmmm. this makes for a good drama crying story !  now, i have a choice of having what they call a Posterior Pelvic   in other words they will cut out my vagina and anus and i will have a bag for the rest of my life . well a bag or life, i choose life.!!! so, today I saw my back doctor, they are going to send me to an cancer pain specialist which is just another word for ill give you drugs dont worry you will die with a smile!

now,tomorrow.....I get to go for  bone scan to see if my cancer is in the bone which will change all plans. so here i sit, vodka in hand not giving 2 shit about life  but tomorrow is anotherday.                      
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